Flying through the Air Rocks

Friday night, sundown - and action! There is nothing wrong with Trapeze school. I can't believe I was scared of it two years ago. The only part that was unbelievable was the moment right before we jumped off the platform. Other than that, it was all timing and breathtaking flying. Easy isn't exactly the right word for it, but awesome is.

Trapeze School rocks... flying through the air with my friends, I was inspired to bump up the volume on my life. Dance, dance.

The Era of Construction Paper

The best part about being a personal trainer, is that one day I will make a great animal trainer. One of my clients told me, "I feel like a trained seal when I work with you, just don't throw a dead fish at me. I hate dead fish." So I made her balance a big bright ball on her nose instead. We called it even.

This Buffalo here at Bowery Poetry Club is apt to being rather raucous in his own quiet way. Yes it is true, he looks like a peaceful, purple, wide-eye beast - complete with cute Buffalo fro. Much like all Americans he has his own unique ways of acting out, and creating caos and confusion. Yes, I am spanking him. No, I do not advocate corporal punishment in general; only on very specific occasions is it "ok," to inflict physical pain on others. Finally, I do enjoy mocking both buffalo and human facial expressions. That's a spiritual thing though, that gets me through my day.

Fine, fine - some might say that forcing other living creatures to exercise is a form of corporal punishment. Exercise is painful at times, it is physical and bodily too. In fact exercise is a perfectly good kind of corporal punishment. That's what exercise boils down to: learning the difference between good pain like muscle burn vs. bad pain like ligaments ripping and tearing. One form is constructive, the other is destructive. Both are physical in nature.

On a different note, maybe instead of another old era of Enlightenment, or another boring old renaissance we can have an era named, "construction paper." Whatever it is that is going to happen to our globe, and our earth, we'd better enjoy it. Constructoin paper isn't bad, it's got many uses. Globalization, and the digital Red Hat revolution aren't just buzz words fromt the 1990's. Something big is happening, and it is related to technology. Yet paper, and books, and things not digital bring such joy too. I like construction paper. And glue.

I have officially gone off on a tangent, I will admit it. So, I am going to go one step further...Let's hear it for creation? Helloooo, can we say we're not dead yet? The Serpent and the Rainbow was a spooky movie, and that line will live on in my mind forever. "I'm not dead yet!" Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Another great, "I'm not dead!" line in there. Listen, America! We've got to turn this thing around. We're not dead yet, so let's reclaim our national pride. The first step is to fix those voting machines. I haven't seen contraptions that old since the last time I went to a museum. With all the technology available to us, we've got to fix up the voting system. Banks are held accountable for numbers every minute of every day, why can't we account for exactly who is voting, and when?

That's all for now. I am done with my mini-blog-rant. From Buffalo to voting, I've never ranted with such abandon on my blog before.

What Do Comics Do?

What do comics do....when we are not on stage? We eat donuts and talk about comedy, and writing jokes. Here, at Dunkin' Donuts in Herald Square, Bob Bell and I gaze into space as we think about, what is FUNNY. Fun. Let's keep the fun in funny, folks.

For instance, factory farming, is that funny? Gigantic, genetically modified pigs, that some people end up eating... is that funny? A giagantic, dangerous pig.... hmmm. A pig as big as a barn. It may take a bit of imagination, but these pigs do exist. Are they funny though...

Well, let's think about another weird element of farming: veal. Those baby cows are not getting a lot of exercise. And as a personal trainer that breaks my heart. Every living thing should get to be moving around and living life. Freedom is a big part of living life. So maybe no, maybe factory farming is just wildly bizarre and tragic. Yet pushing boundaries and breaking barriers, raising the level of public discourse, are not bad elements of good comedy.

Fall Head over Heels for the Moon Up Above

Yes, this is a line of music by Stephen Clair.

Here is more of his song, I am not pretending that this is mine....I'm just sharing it with more people than just little old me.

There's a rumor the moon is coming real close
to the edge of the earth it might touch your nose
if you stay up late and jump pretty high
you could land on the moon hitch a ride in the sky

It might be full, it might be new
But you can count on it, ain't it always the moon

If it weren't for the sun the moon would be dark, it's got no juice it won't even spark. There's no lightbulb up there, there's barely no air. It's just a reflector spinning nowhere.

If you're wise you will stay clear of that moon. It's caused trainwrecks and heartbreaks and set horses loose. As you pass by the window just cover your eyes cos the moon wants your soul to go bump in the night.

And it might be full, and it might be new. But you count on it, ain't it always the moon.

The moon's been knocked around it's got quite a few bumps but it stays on course despite all the lumps. Hanging out in space I don't recommend. You just spin around I mean where does it end. One small step, I mean one giant leap. That's how you dance on the moon now go back to sleep.

While the cow jumps over the big pizza pie get out your fork, and sharpen your knife.

And it might be full, it might be new. But you can count on it, ain't it always the moon. Ain't it always the moon.

Good song: changed my whole clowdy day around for the better. How do you spell clowd? Weird word.

Personal Training is...

Personal Training is many things. But most of all, it is a treasure trove of un-tapped gym humor. Let's face it, the gym is a bizarre environment. All of that heavy machinery designed to torture people. It is the closest thing we have in modern culture, to a dungeon. Even more odd, people love being tortured. I have proof. Day in and day out, torture, torture, torture. But yet we laugh about the pain. It's the good pain. Fact is, you have to teach people the difference between the good pain, like muscle burn, v. the bad pain like ligaments ripping and tearing.

And the treadmill? So many people out there, running around and around like gerbils.

Don't get me wrong, I am guilty of the same behavior. I too have been of runner of much tread. I used to think that runners were all trying to escape something, but actually they are trying to get a a destination! Or maybe they just ENJOY running, i.e. the process.

DUH. Bottom line, I ran the NYC Marathon in 1999, and let me tell you - there were moments when I wondered what I was doing. My whole goal was just to run the thing with dignity. The best moment of all was when I had called my mother from my cell phone from every bourough of NYC. This was before cell phones were small and cute. I had this monga, huge mega cell phone. It was before cell phones were common. I got so many dirty looks for talking on the phone while running the Marathon. But not many mothers have had that honor. Go team Pongo!

FALL FALL FALL....Can you say Autumn?

After the incredible rain drop-a-rama from Saturday, the humidity has died out and it finally feels as though Autumn is here. Ahhh, Monday October 10th, 2005: the first day of a new week and we are met with a chill in the air. Fall is my favorite season. It used to be Spring because of the green creativity of it all, new life and little buds popping out all around town. What better than a season that shouts, "Things are going to grow and explode and be warm and hot with Summer, and soon!"

Fact is, the wheels on the bus go round and round, and so do the seasons. So although it may seem as though Sring is the great beginning of outdoor life and Fall is the beginning of the ending, in fact there are so many different cycles and phases beginning and ending that each season brings on the beginning and ending of different things. Outdoor life, sure it's nice and all - but hey, Fall brings the beginning of indoor life. Let's face it you can choose to be inside or outside, the seasons change and so does life. Fall is the beginning of other things, it is not just the end of warm weather.

What I love about this modern era we live in, is that we can make choices based on what we need at the time. Back in the days of the Boulevard, I mean back before the internet and modern heating and plumbing, even before kicking routines and rap, I mean WAY BACK WHEN there were horses and buggies and no cars, the Fall really was the end of a lot of things. But now we have heating and indoor plumbing and a million amazing choices. I know the World is confusing sometimes, and I am very sad about the loss of life that is going on these days at such a rapid rate in certain areas of the globe. But making myself sad isn't going to solve those greater issues, and helping others is. So there is still hope, and there is still life, and there is so much to do! I love life.